The Cult of Punxsutawney Phil (Part IV: The Knob)

Are you ready for the epic conclusion to my Groundhog Saga?! Well, sadly it’s not really that epic, but it is a conclusion. Around 2:30am Bill and I began our trek to Gobbler’s Knob, home of Punxsutawney Phil. We looked at the path on the map and saw that it wasn’t that far. One inch on the map was roughly a block in real life. The trip to Gobbler’s Knob looked like a 10-15 minute walk. Well, once you leave the town proper, the scale of the map shifts drastically. The journey was about one and a half miles, give or take.

We didn’t realize this till we were half way up the interstate; the temperature was 5 degrees at this point. We then turned back and decided to take the shuttle. That was one of the best ideas of the trip. The purists say you have to walk there, but, Bull and I had reached the point of “fuck it.” After the first 7-6 hours, tradition seems to be – overrated. It is also worth noting that there is an actual trail that you are supposed to take to get the Gobbler’s Knob. You are not supposed to walk along the highway. It would have been nice to know that beforehand. Oh well. One note about the shuttle, there are some members of the National Guard there to help the police search people for alcohol. To this day I can not figure out is the assignment is a punishment or if people actually want Groundhog Duty. One the one hand, you’re still in the US and not a hell-hole like Iraq; but, you have been reduced to guarding a rodent, a really popular rodent, but still a rodent.

One warm and happy bus ride later, we arrive. One you get to “The Knob,” time stands still. You feel every second of sleep depravation and every degree of cold. Of course, there is *nothing* to do there. They have a bon-fire, but it is way too small to accommodate the 5,000+ people. There are people on stage babbling about some crap you don’t care about and every hour the give you the time and temperature. They also love Lady Gaga, I heard her 5 times at least during the night. Ironically, Gobbler’s Knob was the only part of the trip we did not enjoy. Dontcha love irony?

There is only one highlight to this hell, the emergence of “The Dude.” This guy was like a thin Labowski. He would just appear outta nowhere, pose, and disappear. Somehow, he made it awesome. As 50-100 people huddled around a tiny bonfire, shoulder to shoulder, this guy was able to stroll up to the from of the group, warm himself to a few minutes and then disappear. He did this without pushing anyone, he was just able to glide on in. We tried to get a picture of him but every time we got the camera out, The Dude was gone.

At 5:30 Bill and I decided to take the shuttle back to town. This was the best decision of the trip. We went to the McDonalds, mostly because it was the only thing open. We stopped in to enjoy the warmth and “food.”

We stayed in our warm neon shelter for about an hour then took the shuttle back. We had to see this thing threw to the end, it was a pride thing. At some point I fell asleep on the shuttle. When I awoke the 6:30am fire works show was under way. We enjoyed the show from the bus. It was a good show for a small town. We then had half an hour to kill before Phil’s prediction. Before the show Phil “Inner Circle” (the town officials) took the stage in there top hats and coats took the stage. They all introduced them selves and introduced the special guest MC; Stephen Tobolowsky, the guy who played Ned Ryerson in the move “Groundhog Day.” The crowd cheered, I had stopped caring. At 7:30 The Prognosticator of Prognosticators saw his shadow, meaning six more weeks of winter. The second they finished the announcement we got on the bus ASAP and began the drive home. We craved sleep. I started the drive home, stopping only to get a Red Bull to fuel the trip home. When I got too sleepy to stay in my lane Bill took over driving and I napped for about 20 min. When Bill got too tired to stay in the lanes, I resumed driving. When I got home, I slept, and it was glorious.

So ends my Groundhog Day Saga. All in all it was a good trip. I honestly want to thank Greg again for inspiring this undertaking. I left with many fun memories and some epic pictures. I am glad I went. If you ever want to try the same trip, just follow one pice of advise; don’t go to Gobbler’s Knob before 6:30am.